Written by Kate Zourkas
In the book Finding Your Inner Resilience we talk a lot about the importance of being resilient and why it matters. To us, resilience acts like an anchor during a storm so that you don’t get tossed around at will. Rather, it keep you steady and grounded so that you are in the best position to manage life’s challenges. Sounds easy, right?
So why is it then that sometimes we don’t’ feel resilient? Why is it that even when we feel like we are the most resilient we get caught off guard and seem to lose our anchor?
In my learning, experience and teaching on resilience, I have found that it is in these moments where we truly display resilience. Resilience starts with taking responsibility and being authentic and true to who you are, it is not an easy task as we will get pushed to our limits.
Resilience means it’s ok to fall sometimes, it’s ok to take steps backwards, its ok to be vulnerable, its ok to be emotional, it’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to feel embarrassed and it’s ok to feel alone. If we didn’t experience any of these we wouldn’t be human and the point is that we are human and we will have victim days as we go through challenges, this doesn’t mean that we are not resilient, it means that we need to take some time for self-care, self-kindness or ask for support from our tribe.
Life is a marathon and not a sprint. Self-growth and building inner strength takes work - These are all stepping stones to responding from the heart and while it is hard the more you learn the more you grow. At the end of the day it is about persevering through your challenge and finding your anchor points to steady you through. And remember it is ok to lose your shit for a moment, sometimes you need to release to let go and keep moving – it is all part of the process.
Challenges open us up so that we are raw and exposed, they damage our egos and our egos like to keep us in a state of fear to maintain control. However, I have found personally that it is these raw moments that create the greatest opportunity for growth, it is the authenticity inside ourselves that is pushing our ego out of the way so that we can develop inner strength and awareness. It is in these moments that we are responding from the heart and showing our authentic selves. I am a big fan on Brene Brown and love the comment that she makes about how we love everyone else to show vulnerability but then we don’t want to be vulnerable ourselves. Being resilient is accepting vulnerability and showing others your authentic self.
Authenticity and vulnerability will drive yourself to be great. Trust in the process and continue to show up as I personally think it is those moments when we do not think we are resilient, when we truly are resilient the most.
Written by Theodora Zourkas
Generally we don’t think about hope until we are faced with some sort of fear, and right now there is a lot of that being stirred up in our world, so now, more than ever we need hope.
So what do we mean by hope?
For me – each time we hope we ignite a spark of our inner light. Things may seem dark and lost but the spark of hope keeps you moving and taking action. When I’m going through a tough time one of my favourite quotes is “If you’re going through hell, keep going. Anonymous” In other words when things seem dark, it is not the time to stop. You need to take action, no matter how small, and hope is what helps us to take steps towards action.
Consider for one moment what it would be like if you didn’t have hope. What would happen when you went through a tough time? Would you just give up? Believe that the worst will happen because you thought it was futile to hope? It saddens me that some of us do just that because we are scared to leave our comfort zone, even when our comfort zone is not so comfortable. Sometimes the fear of the unknown can be so great, that we would rather stay with what we know even if it means being unhappy.
Last week Michelle Obama (another one of my heroes) made a very powerful speech at the US National Democratic Convention and her underpinning message was about hope and not giving up. She talked about the striving of the previous generations, their persistence and most of all, their hope for the future. Where would we be if people like Martin Luther King (civil rights 1950s-60s), and Emmeline Pankhurst (women’s rights early 1900’s) gave up hope because things were hard, imagine if they gave into their fears – we would all have lost the many benefits that these people and many others, have given humanity.
Each and every one of us is part of humanity and we each have light inside us, but only we can turn on that light. Hope is what helps us turn on our inner light.
I wonder how many times Hilary Clinton was told that a woman could never be considered a US Presidential candidate, now look at what she has achieved – the first woman to be nominated as the US presidential candidate. Imagine if Nelson Mandela did not have hope. He was in prison for 27 years but never lost hope in his vision of equality for all people. He was released in 1990 and four years later became the first black South African President ending Apartheid.
So how do you hope when all around you may seem bleak? Or when you are told that it is futile to hope as nothing can change? Having read both Clinton’s and Mandela’s biographies and through my own trial and error here are three core actions to try (they do work):
1. Believe in yourself, listen to your heart and push the boundaries of your comfort zone
2. Every action you take has a ripple effect, it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it all enables
you to take your power back. Feeling hopeless or giving up means that you disempower
yourself and put yourself at the mercy of other people’s actions
3. Remember to be grateful because that helps to spread more light
Following the light always takes you to a better outcome even if it’s not the one you imagined, following the shadow just gives you false hope and unhappiness.
In today’s world it is more important than ever to not give up hope, by facing our fears and igniting hope we dissolve the shadow.
In the words of Stephen King “Fear can hold you prisoner, but hope can set you free”
love and light
Awareness, presence, balance and stillness are all words we associate with mindfulness. However, life is full of challenges and stressful situations, so how does mindfulness stack up when you need it the most?
Written by Kate Zourkas
I have used mindfulness to get me through some pretty challenging and stressful situations and I can talk from my experience when I say that it has helped me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually get through some of the toughest times in my life. Being mindful has helped me be resilient and as the world is increasingly uncertain and divided, it is even more important to go inside ourselves and build our own inner resilience.
Mindfulness is a tool that I use to help me build resilience, it helps me handle stress and change and helps me to flow through challenging situations rather than getting caught up in them. I have trained myself through mindfulness to focus on myself, my inner world and to channel my energy towards what I want to achieve through challenges.
Stress and change form part of modern lives, they are not going away, and if anything they are intensifying and taking a toll on our overall wellbeing. As individuals how we manage this stress is becoming increasingly more important and we need to find ways to be more resilient to challenges and daily stressors. I have found that this is where mindfulness steps in. Like happiness resilience is an inside job, we need to seek resilience from within ourselves. The truth is that no one else can be resilient for us, we need to build it ourselves and sometimes it can be really hard to persevere through adversity. But there are support tools like mindfulness available, personally, mindfulness has helped me shine through darkness.
Mindfulness can support you by:
- Helping you focus on the present moment
- Increases your level of awareness and consciousness
- Provides focus and clarity through adversity
- Supports mental perseverance
- Helps you to balance and calm the mind
- Supports the healing process. Challenges and stress take a toll on us and can emotionally and mentally knock us down. Going through a healing process can help you deal with the damage from the stress you have gone through and heal the situation so that you can move on.
- Mindfulness supports in managing your emotions. When you go through stress it is likely you will experience a range of emotions. Mindfulness will help keep things in perspective and bring you back into a balanced state. You will still get emotional but you will be more in control.
Here are 3 ways you can be mindful during challenges and build your resilience:
1. Focus on the present and what is in front of you. Don't get too caught up in the whole situation. Ask yourself what do I need to do today and just focus on what is in front of you. You can become easily overwhelmed and stressed if you focus on the whole situation, break it down and just focus on what you need to achieve in the present moment.
2. Be grateful. Keep a positive mindset and focus on what you are grateful for. This will help keep things in perspective and help you persevere. Coming from a place of gratitude also removes your ego from the situation as you are responding from your authentic self. Our ego's can sometimes make situations harder than they need to be and hinder us from progressing through adversity.
3. Start your own daily mindful activity to increase your own awareness. Those who have been through stress will agree that stress is exhausting, so start a daily mindful routine to help restore your energy. Invest in your own mental wellbeing through mindful activities, examples include; yoga, meditation, nature walks, art/drawing, listening to music or journaling. Mindfulness never takes time, it gives time. If there is one tip I can leave you with it is learning how to use your breath. Take 5 minutes a day to focus on deep breathing or when you are in a stressful situation take a few moments to just breathe, it will calm you down.
It is a fact that stress is harmful to our health and our lives are full of stress. Therefore building resilience will help you manage stress and challenging situations better. But it does take some investment from you, resilience is an inside job.
We can all practice mindfulness and for some of us (like me), it might take a lot of practice but it is a great support tool to use when you are going through challenging times. And after a while, it will become part of your natural response to stress and you will be more resilient to life's challenges.
Written by Theodora Zourkas
On any given day the news is full of examples of ego doing its thing. The US elections have seen the rise of Donald Trump who continues to spread fear, and the appalling behaviour of the US Republican Party who keep rejecting the gun laws. While our own elections are perhaps not as colourful, we have now entered the last few weeks where fear is being ‘shovelled out’ as an election strategy. This weekend we are also seeing the immediate aftermath of the Brexit results, a perfect example of ego doing what it does best – more fear.
What is the ego? The easiest way I understand the ego is that it’s like Iago from Shakespeare’s play Othello. Iago is Othello’s ‘trusted’ advisor who keeps whispering in Othello’s ear that his wife is unfaithful to him, until finally Othello kills his innocent wife. Like Iago, our ego is whispering in our ear all the time.
All of us are composed of light and shadow and the ego is our shadow side. Our ego always points out the negative. It’s the little voice that whispers, “they are trying to rip you off”, “you are not good enough to do that,” “you’re better than them”, “why should they have a nice car you’re entitled to that,” “immigrants are taking all the jobs”. The ego lives and breathes fear.
Our ego can paralyse us from doing what we know is right. When you are in the clutches of your ego you come up with lots of justifications why you don’t do what is right. We mistakenly call this pride. You know the “I can never forgive them for what they did to me!” scenario. Well the only person who suffers in this scenario is YOU. Your ego is happy because it keeps stoking the fires of resentment and anger and all you gain is bitterness, unhappiness, it can detrimentally impact your health and you become boring to your friends as you keep talking about the same thing over and over.
That’s why they say that when you forgive someone, it releases you from holding onto the negative energy that came out of that particular situation. You don’t have to forget what happened, you just accept the lesson and forget the rest. This however is the opposite of what your ego wants, because this approach empowers you and disempowers your ego.
The ego makes the situation all about you and you have to ‘win’. Continuing down this path however ultimately backs you into a corner with nowhere to move. And when you are backed into a corner the ego tells you “you didn’t get enough support”, “they lied”, “they’re jealous of you.”
It’s always someone else’s fault.
We have so much opportunity to be the best version of ourselves and grow. Yes the world is a scary place at the moment but this is the time for all of us to step up and show compassion, forgiveness and acceptance. You see, being ‘me focussed’ is living life from ego. Living a life from ego does not enable you to be the best version of yourself. Wouldn’t it serve you better to be aware when it’s your ego whispering?
We can’t get rid of our ego as it is part of us. But, we do have free will and always the choice to act in the light or shadow. There are two things we can do that give us power over our ego:
1. Take responsibility for our behaviour
2. Consider the situation from the other person’s perspective
I have been practicing these two things to help me to focus my energy on being the best version of me, and I have to say I’m feeling more empowered.
The only way we can fight fear and change the world is to start with ourselves.
Love and light
Written by Kate Zourkas
I am a yoga teacher and to become a yoga teacher you are asked to meditate and work on your own practice so that you can then teach and guide others. Therefore, mindfulness and meditation forms a large part of my personal practice as well as yoga classes I teach, and personally I have seen some really good results.
I have been researching lately on the return of investment of mindfulness and meditation and how it is being used in the corporate environment. Many organisations in the USA have regular meditation classes or quiet rooms available for their employees and they have only positive things to say about the programs that they have introduced. Companies like Google have really embraced the mindfulness movement and I think other organisations will follow quite quickly as it is becoming more mainstream and there are clear benefits linked to return on investment.
This has made me really think about what is the return on investment for mindfulness and meditation? And I have come to the conclusion that I can only really talk about it from my own personal experience and the actions that I have taken to improve my mindfulness and the benefits that I have seen firsthand. To me, people generally don’t start on their mindfulness journey to become better leaders or employees, they do it for themselves and to improve their own personal awareness and create their own versions of inner peace.
The three mindfulness actions that I have taken are:
What is my own personal return on investment?
· Increased time because I stopped filling my life with noise (mental chatter takes up a lot of time and energy and is very stressful)
· Increased productivity
· Increased focus, clarity and decision making
· Feeling centred and balanced through most situations. I view stress differently and I feel more like an observer rather than a participant of stress
· Increased presence; when I am home I am present, when I am working I am present. I Focus on what is in front of me
· I have learnt to let go of things quickly, if I do get angry or stressed I get over it faster and move on
· Increased self-esteem and self-empowerment. I feel good about myself and to me this is priceless and where I have had the most benefit. Feeling good about yourself will open doors and opportunities beyond your wildest imagination. We are all awesome in our own way and we just need to open ourselves up beyond the noise and see it for ourselves.
A Heart-based Approach to Building Resilience - Ten Tips to Bounce Back from Life's Challenges
“Being resilient means that you are able to weather the storm you are going through and remain intact once it is over.”
Theodora Zourkas & Kate Zourkas authors of Finding Your Inner Resilience.
Are you currently facing a challenging situation? Do you want to be better placed to manage challenges and change? Or do you want a holistic approach to improve your mental wellbeing, self-leadership, inner-strength, ability to manage stress and increase your adaptability?
If the answer is yes; then check out the Top 10 Tips below for how you can build resilience and be better placed to bounce back from life’s challenges by using the head and the heart.
Stress is a reality for most of us; we are working harder than ever, and we seem to be in a constant state of change and uncertainty. Individually we all have different coping thresholds and way of handling challenges and stress. This makes building resilience a personal journey because we all ‘bounce back’ differently. Just like being mindful or finding happiness; resilience is an inside job.
Like most people, we also have had our own challenges. It was on reflection of these challenges that we were able to step back and truly understand the power of resilience and the impact it has had on our own ability to thrive when the going gets tough.
We all face challenges everyday, so here are our Top 10 Tips to help you build resilience and kick challenges to the curb:
1. Take Accountability
Once you take accountability, you can start to take control. It starts with you. “Never underestimate the power of taking personal accountability. As you face challenges and change in your own life, take ownership of your situation, your choices and your actions and see how fast you can find your own inner resilience.”
2. Prepare yourself
A lot of challenges can really push you back or knock you down. Try to prepare yourself as best you can by doing your research, getting the resources you need and surrounding yourself with the people you need to help you. “Like climbing a mountain we needed our fitness, our team, equipment and a destination point.”
3. Know your destination
You really need to know what you want to achieve. This is important as you will have days when you may feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back. Having an end goal will help you move towards your destination and remain focused. “Have an end goal in mind”.
4. Gather your support network
Build your team and support network early on so that they can be there to encourage and support you throughout your challenge. They will become critical to your success especially on days when you may feel like giving up. “Teamwork divides the task and multiples success”.
5. Break down your situation
Sometimes your challenges can seem like a huge mountain in front of you. This can be overwhelming, therefore a helpful strategy, is to break down your situation into more manageable portions. “Just focus on the next step that you need to achieve and break it down into tasks.”
6. Keep moving forward
Keep going, it’s a simple as that. “There will be times when you will feel like you have stalled going up the mountain or your pace might be going a lot slower than what you would like. The important thing to remember is that you need to keep moving regardless of pace as every step forward is a win.”
7. It’s ok to express emotion
Note to self: I am a human being; it is ok to be emotional. “Losing your cool can also be quite therapeutic. It is like your body is releasing all that stored up negative or harsh energy, once it’s over - move onwards and upwards.”
8. Use Humour
Laughing heals everything. “Do not underestimate the power of humour through adversity. It will help keep everything in perspective.”
9. Be positive
Being positive and grateful for what you have will always give you more things to be positive and grateful about. “Remember your thoughts can create how you view your world which in turn creates how you experience your world. Wouldn’t you want this experience to be positive?”
10. Let go and move on
Keep things in perspective. At the end of the day sh*t happens, some of it we cause ourselves and other times we are faced with something unexpected. Remember, be thankful for the learning, take time to heal yourself and move on. Don’t keep carrying the sh*t around – it’s just weighing you down. “Make peace with your past”.
At the end of the day stay true to who you are - Standing in your truth can be really difficult however, it will always come back to reward you. Remember to conquer your challenges use both your head and your heart.
These 10 tips are based on the book ‘Finding Your Inner Resilience’ by Theodora Zourkas and Kate Zourkas. A practical and heart-based guide to helping you survive, grow, and glow from life’s challenges.
Theodora and Kate are also the directors of Zourkas Group, a company they created to empower people to be the best version of themselves. They achieve this by delivering impactful and meaningful personal development solutions to people through workshops, publications, presentations and audio, both face to face and through digital media. For more information follow www.zourkasgroup.com.au or Zourkas Group on Facebook and Instagram.